October 22, 2007

Monday Madness- Realtor Jokes

Realtors just don’t get no respect.

No really. Think about the professionals you know: doctors, lawyers, scientists, college professors, politicians… Create in your mind a hierarchy of professional people. Now, where do the realtors end up?

Sure, the scientists and computer engineers are ignored by normal people, but that’s the way they want it. And doctors are revered until they send you the bill–plenty of jokes about that scenario. Priests, nuns & pastors get all kinds of press, sometimes bad but usually funny (did you hear the one where the priest, rabbi and mullah were in a small fishing boat and…).

Even lawyers elicit a profound emotional response from those who know what they do. Surely there are 10,000 lawyer jokes (most of which involve disposing of them most painfully), but where are the realtor jokes?

Oh, it’s sad I tell you. Realtors can’t get a break. They seem to be invisible to the mass of humanity. When was the last time Letterman or Leno gave a realtor joke? When was the last time a conspiracy theorist chose realtors as a target? When has a realtor ever been the life of the party; or even invited? Well, let’s recycle some of the very few jokes that are out there:

1. Q) There is a Used Car Salesman, a Realtor and a Lawyer. And you have a gun with two bullets… Which should you shoot?
   (A) You should shoot the realtor twice… Just to be sure.
2. Sign next to FSBO: We shoot every third agent and the 2nd one just left.
3. Two Realtors Talking: My buyers want a new home on the outskirts. -of their income, that is.
4. Realtor to First Time Homebuyer: First you folks tell me what you can afford, then we’ll have a good laugh and go on from there.
5. My real estate agent was always smiling. I didn’t think anybody could have that many teeth without being a barracuda.
6. My realtor sold me a two story house- one story before the sale, another after.

The Simpson’s television show has frequent digs at realtors including Cookie Kwan, an Asian American Realtor who is ‘“number one on the West Side,” (and also aggressively works the East Side) and Lionel Hutz who sometimes works as a realtor. At one point Marge works for Hutz selling homes, but her honesty works against her and she nearly gets fired until she sells an evil house where murders have been committed to the Flanders family. Gilbert “Gil” Gunderson, in the episode “Realty Bites”, plays a hapless real estate agent, a part reminiscent of Shelley Levene in the film version of Glengarry Glen Ross. In the episode “Cape Feare”, the Simpson’s realtor is: ‘Stinking Fish Realty: With a name this bad we’ve got to be good’. The Simpson’s writers may be the only people sensitive enough to understand the funny side of real estate work.

Well, that’s it; that’s all the realtor jokes I could find today. I think that even funeral directors have a better fun quotient.There were jokes about buyers, sellers, transactions, homes, and funny stories about experiences that realtors had, but almost nothing about realtors themselves. Remember, if we can’t poke fun at them, how do we know they’re there? Prove me wrong- send your best realtor jokes to the comment link below.